Strength

I picked this angel card at my sister-in-law's house over the weekend. It reminded me of my yoga practice, and the strength I'm building with each warrior pose.

One beautiful step at a time.

Went to a fabulous class yesterday. I feel satisfied that I found my Marin teacher. Since I moved out of the city where my former mentor teaches, I have been looking for another teacher to study with close to my home. This teacher I went to yesterday studied under the same teacher as my former mentor. They were both students of Sarah Powers'. I felt so at home in the class yesterday, and also sufficiently challenged. I modified a lot of the poses to meet me where I am now. When the teacher asked us to choose an intention for our practice I chose "one beautiful step at a time.". A reminder for me to take it easy. Go at my own pace. Resist the competitive urge to try too hard because that could cause injury. Also the intention is to remind me to mentally stay present as opposed to dreaming about the kind of yoga body and life that I think I want to have in the future. I am here now. This is my body now. Doesn't it feel wonderful!?

The modifications I made were either for my wrists (which have long history of tendonitis flare ups), my abdominal and pelvic floor muscles (which need strengthening after having two babies), and my hamstrings (which could gain more flexibility). I am careful to back off if I feel I'm getting close to that "edge". I know from experience how pushing too hard can actually slow me down instead of speed me up.

This photo is of a yogini Christmas tree ornament that a good friend gave me 5 or so years ago when I was just beginning to teach yoga. She (the yogini figurine) sits under the rear view mirror in my car and reminds me to breathe. She's been there the last few years patiently waiting for me to come back to a regular practice. Isn't she lovely.

I am a yoga student

I just got a membership at my favorite yoga studio. I'm creating space in my life to take regular classes. I went to a wonderful class yesterday!

After giving birth to two beautiful, healthy children within the past 4 years, I'm ready to dive back in to regular yoga practice.  It felt so good to be in a public class again knowing that I am returning to a community that I love.  During the last 4 - 5 years, I still attended some public yoga classes including pre-natal, post-natal, baby-and-me yoga, Iyengar, gentle hatha flow, and I tried a hot yoga class recently, too.  Since moving from San Francisco to Marin County (California) 3 years ago, I've taken classes at several to many different yoga studios in Marin to find the one I like best.  It turns out that my favorite yoga studio offers a discount to employees of the non-profit where I work.  Now that my youngest baby is almost 8 months old, and he is happy at his daycare during the work week, I decided to extend his time there from 4 days a week to 5 days a week.  The extra day is for me to complete more work at my job as a nurse, and also for me to take a couple of public yoga classes a week.  After I re-establish my own regular yoga practice, I would like to begin teaching yoga again.

Just incase I had any doubt about my decision to join the yoga studio (verses reserving any extra time to be spent with my children), I was reassured by the presence of another working mom at the studio.  While I was filling out some paperwork after the class, I heard a woman's voice say "Is that Juni's mom?"  It was not something I expected to hear at a yoga studio.  But yes, I am also Juni's mom as well as a yogini.  The woman is a mom to one of Juni's classmates. She is a mom of two who shared with me that she has been going to yoga classes for 15 years but took some time off from yoga when her two children were very young.  Now she has been going to classes again regularly for about 3 years, and started up again within a year after her second child was born.  I related to her story very much.  She is also a working mom, and I felt reassured by her example of taking time for yoga in addition to having a full-time job and two children to attend to. 

I went to the yoga class yesterday after my work day.  When I got home in the evening and began doing the routine of taking care of my children, my positive attitude was obvious to my family.  My husband told me I was "high on yoga".  I felt like I had so much more to give to my family since I had taken that hour and a half to take care of myself.  Yoga refills my soul.  It helps and heals me emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally. 

Busy teaching yoga and working as a nurse

In March 2007 I began teaching yoga at a studio in the Richmond district. I taught there as a substitute teacher many times, and for three months I taught the Sunday morning yoga class. In June I started working a second nursing job, and I teach private yoga sessions on weekday evenings, so my schedule became a little too full this Summer in that I didn't have a day off for weeks at a time. Now I've let go of teaching the regular Sunday morning yoga class, and it is enough to have one day off a week for now. I'm still teaching yoga often enough, as there have been many substitute teaching opportunites. For example, this week I'm teaching two yoga classes at a gym as a sub, and I also taught a private yoga class this week.

I'm studying intensley with a senior yoga teacher. We meet privately several times a month, and I continue to assist her Friday evening class (although I haven't done so lately because of travel plans on both our parts). I enjoy and value the opportunities that having this relationship with a mentor allows me. When questions come up for me as I'm teaching or assisting, I am able to discuss it with my mentor in our next meeting. I always feel clear in understanding and usually I am extra inspired about yoga after our sessions. I see myself continuing to learn and grow as a yoga teacher.

Announcing: jenfaith.com/Yoga

a new website!

www.jenfaith.com/Yoga

Flexibility

After doing 20 minutes of afternoon stretches, I'm feeling flexible in my legs, and able to sit at the computer desk again. I've been developing my morning yoga routine, and today I'm feeling the benefits of regular practice. Currently my 40-minutes morning routine focuses on stretching my hamstrings and building strength in my abdomen, arms and quadriceps. Here's an example of my morning sequence:

1. Extended Child's pose (Yin pose)
2. Seated forward bend (Yin)
3. Cat/Cow reps
4. Abdomen crunches (as taught by Stephanie Snyder, who learned from Forrest Yoga)
5. Supta Baddha Konasana (reclined butterfly)
6. Hug knees to chest then rock forward to standing
7. 1/2 Sun Salutation (tadasana, uttanasana, half uttanasana)
8. Sun Salutation A, (with Chaturanga reps on my knees)
9. Tree pose
10. Standing padangustasana
11. 1/2 sun salutation
12. Seated meditation for 10 minutes, Shamata, focusing on my breath

I've been using my fists instead of flat palms in poses like Plank, Chaturanga, Upward Dog, and Table. This is because I have a lingering tendonitis flare-up in my right wrist.

For a couple weeks I was really struggling with sitting for 10 minutes in meditation without using a mantra. When I focused on the movement of my breath, I noticed that I would start to control my breath instead of simply noticing how my body breathes automatically. I talked to a friend about it, and he told me about the practice of feeling the breath move in and out of the nose and noticing the temperature. It feels cool on the inhale and warm on the exhale. I tried this as a focal point, while simultaneously noticing the movement in my belly, and finally I felt I could notice breath without controlling it. I could feel my abdomen move down and out just before I felt air moving in through my nose. This makes sense because it is the downward movement of the diaphram muscle that makes space for the lungs and creates a suction so that air is pulled in. Now I am excited to meditate. Or at least, I no longer dread it.

There have been several scheduling changes with my teacher since I last posted a blog. The Thursday class that I had been going to was cancelled, and the Monday semi-private session has changed time a few times. I have been able to adapt smoothly to the changes. The training is improving my flexibility in more ways than one.

Happy New Year 2007

After a 10 day vacation on the East coast and in a time zone 3 hours ahead of my own, I woke up before my 6:15 am alarm sounded this morning. Refreshed and excited to return to the new schedule I started last month.

My morning routine has changed from what I originally planned. Now I take a shower first thing in the morning (at about 6:30 am), and then I practice yoga from 6:50 to 7:20 am, and meditate in a seated position from 7:20 to 7:30 am. That is working well for me. When I tried practicing poses shortly after waking, I ended up doing more mellow poses and sometimes drifting back to sleep in a supine pose. So after a shower and being awake for a half hour, it is easier to do a more active routine.

I've been having some pain in my right wrist for the last month or so, as a result of repetitive stress (using a computer mouse) and tendonitis. I have modified my practice by using fists instead of flat palms in Upward Facing Dog and Plank. I'm trying a therapy called Active Release, which involves a chiropractor aggressively massaging the muscles and tendons in my arms and wrists. The technique is painful, but I'm hoping it will help.

During my stay in NYC, I visited Om Yoga studio. That is the studio owned by Cyndi Lee, who taught a workshop class I took last year, and who wrote a book and CD/flash cards set that I have. The class was good. I forget the name of the teacher, but when the class was doing Upward Bow pose (a backbend), she offered her ankles for me to hold onto so that I could go up into the backbend without straining my hurt wrist. I really appreciated that!

I had a lot of fun in New York city. I was pleasantly surprised by the plenty of vegetarian/vegan/organic/macrobiotic restaurants there. My favorite of those I visited is Caravan of Dreams. So yummy! And they always have live music. I heard a pianist one time, and then a hand drum and guitar duo another time. The music was subtle enough to allow conversation, but enjoyable.

Happy New Year!!!

Intentions for yoga study with Dina

This week my intense study with my favorite yoga teacher began. For our first meeting, she asked me to bring my intentions, and we talked about what I'd like to get out of studying with her, as well as what I plan to focus on in order to get the most out of this opportunity.

My Intentions:
Devotion
Practice/Study
Patience
Adaptation/Adjustments
Communication

1. Devotion. I intend to be devoted to this study. Meaning I will show up to scheduled meetings and attend public classes. I am devoted to the process so that if moments of discouragement occur, I will remember this intention and PERSEVERE.

2. Practice and Study. I plan to continue to grow my home practice. I'd like to read books on yoga or meditation or Buddhism as recommended by Dina.

3. Patience. I will remember to be patient with the process of learning. IT IS A PROCESS. It takes time to truly learn and then experience the lessons.

4. Adaptation or Adjustments. I'd like to learn how to adjust poses for different body sizes, flexibilities and strengths.

5. Communication. I intend to be open and honest with Dina during the process. I'd like to learn how to better communicate the teachings to others. I'd like to improve my ease and ability with sequencing asana classes.

Yoga for Couples

Two weeks ago Bob and I went to a Partner Yoga class called Roses and Poses taught by Ellis Gold and Lila Skye. The experience for me was like Yoga Couples Therapy. The class sequence involved doing poses while interlaced with your partner, or leaning up against him/her for support, but always touching in some way throughout the entire class. Even in Savasana we were interlaced and touching, and I must say that was my favorite Savasana ever! At one point during the class, we were instructed to face each other while sitting cross-legged on the floor (knees touching) and then we talked to each other about a subject that the teacher suggested. The question we got to talk about was something like, in what ways do we feel like equal partners. After Savasana, the students and teachers sat in a circle and shared three words or phrases to describe how we felt. I think I said "connected, love, and happy/joy". I remember feeling super-connected to Bob, balanced in myself and connected to The Universe. At the end of the class the teachers gave each couple a rose (and reminded us of the name Roses and Poses).

Although the positive Savasana experience glossed over all the poses in my memory, I should add that there were many times during the class that were challenging for me, for one reason or another. Sometimes it was like learning a dance routine, like when we learned a flowing sequence of poses while connected to our partner. And it is a lot different doing Triangle pose with your back and hands touching the back and hands of your partner, as compared to holding Triangle pose alone. There were more considerations to make while balancing and moving. It exercised my mind in a new way. I'm curious to try it again and see what it will be like with more practice.

After leaving the class, Bob and I brought our rose with us to dinner. We had an amazingly yummy meal at Alive! Restaurant, which serves raw, vegan cuisine. I had some tasty sweet sake with my meal as well. The entire evening was lovely.

The following week, Bob and I practiced yoga together at home (I guided him into restorative poses and then I held Yin poses) and when it was time for Savasana, we repeated the interlaced style which again felt sweet and energetically balancing. We slept soundly that night.

We have plans to go to the partner yoga class again tonight. It is offered every other Friday at The Mindful Body on California Street in San Francisco. If you have a sweetheart who wants to go with you, I highly recommend it. I'm grateful for our friend Jennifer who has been inviting us to go.

Registered Yoga Teacher

Yesterday I received my ID card from the Yoga Alliance which states that as of 9/20/06 I am a Registered Yoga Teacher, and that I may now include the title "RYT" after my name.

I'm happy to be officially acknowledged. When I opened the welcome letter I was reminded of how I felt after receiving my RN license in the mail 9 years ago. At that time I was looking for a nursing assistant position or a program specific for new grads. Likewise, now I am interested in assisting a senior yoga teacher for a while before teaching my own public classes.

Yoga after graduation

The day after graduation Bob sent me a text message asking "Have u done yoga today?". I hadn't yet when I received his message, but I was planning to go to a public class in our neighborhood at 6 pm. I went to the class, and it was Iyengar style, which is slow paced and focused on proper alignment. We spent enough time in each pose so that the teacher was able to correct our positions individually if needed. The class was small--only 11 students--and that allowed each student some individual attention.

It was refreshing to take class at a new-to-me studio, and to meet a new-to-me teacher. She gave me her phone number after the class and encouraged me to call her if I had any questions. I liked that. We did seated twists in a chair during the class, and the next day I did feel a lot of soreness in my sides near my ribs. I liked how deeply she got us into the twist. She did this by first instructing us through the twist twice on each side. Then she had us get up and watch her do it, noticing how her shoulders were back with her chest forward. Then we did the twist twice more on each side and by focusing on the chest/bottom tips of the shoulder blades moving forward, we twisted more deeply.

So far this week I've been keeping up with a daily practice at home of abdominal and arm exercises, with a sun salutation or two. I have a weakness in my left shoulder and that is why I want to strengthen my arms. I would like to add in some thigh (quads) exercises to strengthen the support around my knees.

As far as feeling "burnt out" from the YTT course, it is true that I do feel that way, however I still find myself wanting to practice and learn more about yoga. For now I am just taking a break from the teachers that I studied with for the program, and from commuting to another neighborhood for yoga if I don't have to. The Iyengar studio I went to this week is a 2 1/2 block walk from my home. It was very nice to walk there and back.

Practice teach class, 8/21/06

On Monday August 21st I completed the requirement of teaching a class that is observed by a seasoned yoga teacher. I taught friends and Dina observed. I was very nervous! I felt the heat of a spotlight, and my own inner-self-critic was a bit more active than usual. However, I got through it, and overall it went well. Dina and my friends gave me great feedback, a lot of encouraging praise and many tips for how to improve my teaching and also tips for how to improve my own experience while teaching. One tip that stands out is to follow my own instructions when I lead a seated grounding meditation at the beginning of the class. To close my eyes and concentrate on my own breathing and my own intention while leading the meditation. She said I could even sit in silence at first to ground myself if that is what I need. Like the way you should fasten your own seat belt before helping someone else fasten theirs, I need to address my own active mind or nervous feelings before helping the class with theirs. And I did think to myself at the beginning while I was teaching "I am nervous, make space for the nervousness, let go of desire for things to be different than what they are..." but I could have taken more time to do that. Also, there was no way around being nervous, and it will become easier the more and more I teach. Dina was taking notes throughout the class, I felt as though I was being critiqued by the person in yoga who's opinion means the most to me. Little did I know until afterwards that many of her notes were positive praise. Things like, you did that well, that is a good thing to say or do. She said that although she knew I was nervous, my voice was steady and calm. I don't think that I have to be a great teacher by graduation, because I know that I plan to study closely with Dina for 6 months, and that I have plenty of time to learn everything I want to learn before I start teaching public classes. For now I'd like to continue teaching to groups of friends. I've had 2 offers in the past week from friends who would like to host a yoga class at their house for me to teach. They are encouraging me, and they know that the more I practice, the better I'll become. And they will appreciate the free yoga instruction.

I am so relieved that the "practice class" is over. I was so nervous about it, and I'd been preparing for so long, and yet I felt like I didn't have enough tools to prepare for it. So I had to just do it, and then I was given tools for how to prepare for my next class. Dina gave me a lot of tips for sequencing, and I'm not sure I retained all that she told me, but I will be able to pay better attention to her sequencing in the future as I continue to attend her public classes. Now that this requirement is complete, I will focus on studying for the written final.

Observe-a-class #3

I haven't written lately because I was sick for 2 weeks. I had a cold which lingered and then I had pink eye. Not fun, but I'm feeling better now and I'll catch you up on what's been happening. Sorry to keep you in suspense!

The day before I got sick I observed another yoga class, which was the third and final required class observation for this YTT course. It had been almost 3 months since the last time I observed a class, and there was a big difference in how I felt this time, and in what I was able to notice. Since I've been practicing teaching yoga, I've learned through experience how to observe the students for their understanding of the poses. When the teacher gave a new instruction, I looked around the room to see which students understood and who could use another prompt to get them in the correct alignment. I walked through the class, and followed the teacher as she walked through, and watched the adjustments she made for some students. I kept my mind focused on the teacher's instructions, and on my own intention, which was "love" and "courage". Previously when I observed, I mostly stayed seated at the front of the room. This time I gathered up my courage to be more involved, and although I only gave one "assist", my presence was supportive to the students' experiences. After the class, several people thanked me for assisting, and commented on what a great class it was. I said "you're welcome" and agreed that Dina is a wonderful teacher. And I thought to myself that it was nice of these people to acknowledge me. I was surprised because I didn't feel like I had done anything, I was just observing. But after being acknowledged by the students, I realized that my presence was felt and appreciated. I thought about how my own yoga practice might be more focused if I knew there was an assistant standing near and watching me. I assisted without words or touch. And meanwhile, I was making notes to myself about ways I might assist with words/touch in the future. (I'm planning to assist Dina's classes regularly after this course.)

Earthquake

Last night I was meditating in a yoga class during the earthquake. The epicenter was about 45 miles North of where I was. I learned today that it was close to Santa Rosa, CA and had an estimated magnitude of 4.4 at 8:08 pm, and was followed by a 1.2 aftershock 25 minutes later (but I didn't feel that).

My friend Kristin went to the class with me. Dina was teaching and her assistant Amy was there. My friend Jim, who I hadn't seen in a long while, was in the class, too, and so was Martin, an acquaintance from the indie rock as well as the Dina-yoga scenes. I thought of these people when the room started moving. I really had fears of disaster, as if the shaking was going to get worse and we would all be dealing with a crisis situation.

Part of the reason why the earthquake was so intense for me, is that we were all sitting on the floor, concentrating on our breathing, and noticing the state of our bodies and minds. We were quiet, present and noticing. All of our attention was on noticing whatever was there. The teacher advised us to notice our moods, how we felt, and what we were thinking about. I had noted to myself that my mind was chaotic. I'd had a delayed and busy commute that evening from work to home to Kristin's to yoga. There was some confusion between me and Bob about who was using the car, and I wasn't sure until the minute I left the house if I would be able to go to class or not. Once there, I felt relieved to be there and I was looking forward to being still for a couple hours. But I still felt rushed and chaotic. I don't often feel that way at the beginning of a yoga class. Sometimes my mind is busy, but the feeling of "chaos" was big and new. It made me think that I was picking up on a natural disaster waiting to happen, and I had a passing thought that there might be an earthquake. And then there was!

The floor, the room shook my body forward and back and forward and back. I opened my eyes and listened to a creaking sound in the walls or ceiling. The teacher commented on the earthquake, and then told us to close our eyes and focus on our breathing. She talked about letting go of any desire to control events, and she mentioned anxiety that might have arisen in us and gave us tools to be present with it. She encouraged us to be present throughout the class. I had picked my intention to be "calm; patience". That was before the earthquake when I was feeling chaotic, I wanted to feel calm instead. The earthquake was like a manifestation of my feelings, but it didn't help me with my intention to be calm. I was worried for about 30 minutes after the earthquake. It took a while for me to let it go, but I eventually did for the remainder of the class. And then after the class I thought about it again. It was exciting.

Teaching makes me a better student

On Saturday morning I taught a class of four friends. There were mixed level students in the class and it was challenging to keep up with everyone's progress. There were some corrections I saw that I could have made but I had to let some of them go. I remember how in the beginning it is hard enough as a student to just concentrate on the teacher's directions and stay with the class. I ended up teaching fewer poses than I'd planned, because I spent more time on each pose, teaching alignment. I learned that I would prefer to teach fewer poses in order to have better alignment and the students' better understanding of the shape and benefit of the poses.

Teaching was great. I wasn't as scared as I've been previously. It wasn't as painful. Previously I felt like giving up while teaching. I would have thoughts like "the students don't really feel like working in these poses and I don't really feel like trying to encourage them to do it". When I noticed their physical struggle, my own energy would drop and I would be discouraged which I feared might in turn discourage them. I thought about it a lot, and I realized that it is my job to be the encourager, the cheerleader (almost), the one who supports throughout their discomfort. Their discomfort isn't the result of what I am doing to them, but how they feel in their bodies and so it isn't something for me to take personally.

Everytime I teach, it gives me more things to think about and observe when I am the student in a yoga class. After teaching Saturday morning, I went to YTT class with some fresh understanding and a few questions. Again at Sunday's lectures I was able to pay attention to what was taught with a clearer idea of, for example, the importance of knowing how to modify Uttanasana for those with tight hamstrings. I could see more directly how I may apply that knowledge in the near future.

Karl Erb has encouraged us all along to study closely with one teacher for a long time. That has always made sense to me. He's also said something about how when a student is ready to learn, the teacher will find her/him. On Monday night I went to a class taught by Dina, and as soon as she saw me she asked me when this YTT course is over and if I'd like to begin my intense study with her in October. I am so engulfed in studying for the final and preparing for my Practice Teaching class (which will be observed and evaluated by Dina), that it was hard for me to think about what I will want or be ready for in October. My initial thought was like "I'm not ready yet! Do I want another intense time & money commitment after this one?". But after visualizing graduation from this course, and my goals for the next two years, it fits in perfectly to start working with Dina this Fall. I am grateful for the opportunity. I've been taking her classes since 2003 and now or soon is a fine time to go deeper.

Svadhyaya

The last few days I have been focusing on STUDY or SVADHYAYA, the Sanskrit word (and also the 4th Niyama) which means self-study or the "education of the self by study of divine literature" (from B.K.S. Iyengar's Light on Yoga). When I practiced on Monday, I thought to myself "love" on each inhale and "study/svadhyaya" on each exhale. Again this morning when I practiced (for 50 minutes this morning! Which is a long time for me to practice in the morning before going to work) I made "svadhyaya" my intention, and I brought it to mind several times throughout the practice. I used the sequence I wrote the other day that I plan to teach this weekend. Then I deviated after half of it in order to take headstand and handstand.

Last night I joined a study group to begin reviewing and preparing for the final exam September 9th. Although I heard that there would be about 5 or 6 fellow students, there was only 2 of us. I was happy with how productive we were. We went through some of the questions on the study guide that we were given a couple weeks ago. It helps me a lot to avoid procrastination when I have a study buddy. I am grateful to the host for providing a space and structuring the time for a weekly study group from now until the exam. She said next time she would like to focus on learning the asana Sanskrit names, and that goal is in line with my own needs. For a long time I've been aware of the challenge it is to learn the Sanskrit names of the poses. Even before this course began I started to make flash cards for learning them. I have learned some, but there are many more to learn. I can see now that I can do it and I can see times and ways to do it.

This weekend is the last weekend of classes. We have August off to study (and continue with our individual yoga practices). This weekend is all review classes with 3 different teachers. We aren't learning anything new, just preparing for the test. I think we will be well prepared for the test in September. I'm gearing up for the work ahead and enjoying the process so far.

Sequencing

After being sick for a couple weeks, I recovered and had such a great weekend. Yoga teacher training class on Saturday was AWESOME. I learned a lot and gained a lot of confidence in one 3 hour workshop. I taught a group of 20 classmates and I did well. I feel like I'm finally gaining an understanding of how to sequence a yoga class.

Yesterday (Monday) I spent 3 hours creating a class sequence for a group of friends that I plan to teach on Saturday. I looked over all my notes on sequencing, looked up descriptions of a lot of poses, made a list of poses I'd like to teach, and then put the list in an order that made sense. Then I practiced the sequence and made a couple adjustments to the sequence. I'm so relieved to have the sequence fully written out, because I'd been thinking about writing it for weeks and was starting to procrastinate. I'm really starting to have a solid basic knowledge of how to teach yoga and structure classes. It is exciting.

It takes time

This morning I was listening to the latest Yoga Peeps podcast, and it was an interview with Bryan Kest. When answering the question of what advice he has for a beginning yoga teacher, he said that becoming a yoga teacher is like growing a tree, and it takes a long time to grow a tree. He said we can't expect it to feel comfortable and to easily be able to express our thoughts and intentions into words as a beginner teacher. I liked his advice, and it was reassuring to me. I know that it will take time to become a good teacher, and I have patience and perseverance to do it.

Upside down. Boy, you turn me.

We had a class on Sunday about sequencing. Which poses to do in what order. The thing I remember most about it is the idea and importance of doing shoulder stand after headstand. Also, the teacher suggested that we have a daily headstand practice, even if it is only for 30 seconds a day. As a result, I have done headstand, handstand and shoulderstand the past 3 mornings during my morning practice. It is easier to do it when I know that the commitment is only for 30 seconds.

Food (eat less)

When I started this Yoga Teacher Training (YTT) program, I was concerned about eating healthy and finding time to eat enough. As a result, I started eating more than I previously did and ended up gaining 5 pounds. Enough to make my pants feel tighter. Pretty surprising considering how active I've been. Then I realized that I've been overeating. I was eating when I wasn't hungry, for fear that I wouldn't have time to eat later or sometimes because I felt that I deserved a big meal after working hard in a yoga class.
Since realizing that, I've changed my ways. Now I'm eating breakfast, a good (and usually home made) lunch, and a healthy snack or light meal in the evening only if I'm hungry. It is working out well and I feel nourished.

Shoulder up and back

I spoke too soon in my last post, my shoulder problem resurfaced full force on Saturday. However, this week I've gained more insight into the problem, how to practice with it and aid its healing. The same advice has been given to me by numerous people, which is to keep my shoulder up and back, since it is coming forward and down, more than the other one. My chiropractor, 3 yoga instructors, and a classmate all noticed the same thing. It finally clicked on Tuesday night that if I pull my shoulder way back (it feels like way back to me, but it doesn't look like it), I can practice yoga without pain. I was in an Anusara class Tuesday night, and the teacher (Stacey Rosenberg) adjusted my shoulder and shoulder blade while I was in upward facing dog. She said part of my shoulder problem was that it was lagging behind the other one. She pulled the shoulder blade down my back and moved the top of my humerus bone back. Keeping that movement in mind, I continued the class and was able to move my arm in ways that previously caused discomfort.

I've had more practice with teaching yoga. On Saturday at our YTT workshop, we got into groups of 4 and took turns each teaching the others for 30 minutes. This was super challenging for a number of reasons. Sequencing was hard because we had to start where our classmate had left off, and also because we don't know enough about how to sequence yet. We were all surprised by this assignment, and so having no plan and just making it up as we went along was a challenge. Afterwards we gave each other feedback, and I found that uncomfortable, too. I wanted to be helpful but not hurt anyone's feelings, and that might not be possible in some instances. Also, I was frustrated with my own imperfectness.

On Sunday we practice taught each other again and it went much better for me. This time we were given a specific routine to teach, and then we all took turns teaching that sequence. Also I was more comfortable this time with the feedback part of it, because I had a better understanding of the fact that this is how we learn. You have to fall down a lot before you learn how to walk.

On Monday I taught a private yoga lesson to a friend, and it was our third session. She told me that she noticed I have improved in terms of putting into words how to get into the poses. The session felt much smoother to me. It was less terrifying and more fun.

Love. Confidence. Focus.

Yesterday was a good day. I had a great yoga session: I went to an evening class taught by Dina Amsterdam, and I was able to stay focused on my breath and stay in the present moment throughout the class so well that I didn't notice the time fly by. Usually I take a few peeks at the clock during a class, but this time, the first time I looked was when the teacher instructed us to lie down for the final pose, and I checked to see if it was really time for the class to be over. It was. Throughout the entire class the teacher encouraged us to say the word "Love" to ourselves with every inhale, and "Confidence" on the exhale. It was empowering.

All day yesterday during my commute times and on my lunch break I was listening to different yoga talk podcasts on my iPod (portable digital music player). I subscribe to Darren Main's podcast, and he shared with us his interview on another podcast called Yoga Peeps. So then I downloaded more Yoga Peeps interviews and listened to different yoga teachers talk about their lives, experiences and beliefs. I enjoyed the interviews with Ana Forrest, Heidi Sormaz, and Kimberly Wilson, who also has a podcast called Hip Tranquil Chic. It was fun to listen to people talking about their love for yoga. It was inspiring and I think it contributed to my wonderfully focused class last night.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that my body feels great! My shoulder is so much better! I feel nearly back to my usual self. It was exciting and I was very happy with the ease that I was able to practice with last night.

Refreshed

On Friday night we had a lecture on The 8 Limbs of Yoga. This lecture was long anticipated. Our main teacher, Darren Main, had referred to it several times, by saying something about the 8 Limbs and then mentioning that Karl will tell us more about it when he talks to us later about The 8 Limbs of Yoga. I've read about the 8 Limbs in at least 4 different books, and I've made several attempts to memorize the Sanskrit and English names of each Limb. Most recently I read the Sri Swami Satchidananda translation and commentary of The Yoga Sutras, and I focused on the sections describing the 8 Limbs on the weeks prior to the lecture. The lecture was on a Friday night between 8pm and 10pm, and the teacher mentioned that late at night isn't the best time for concentration and study. However, I sat tall in a meditative seated position, focused on my breathing and the teacher's meaning, and I managed to pay attention during 95% of his talk. It was interesting, although sometimes so philosophical that my head got fuzzy.

On Sunday Jane Austin taught us about Post-natal yoga. First she reviewed the yoga suggestions for pre-natal yoga. Then she taught the class about Labor & giving birth. Jane Austin and the wealth of information she shared with us were great. She taught us some exercises that are good for women to do in the weeks after giving birth. After the class, I met up with Bob and some friends who have an 8 month old baby. I talked to them about what I had learned, and taught the mom one of the simple exercises I learned. It was a wonderful coincidence that our dinner plans with the new parents was right after my post-natal workshop.

Distance

Distance, meaning how far I've come, and how far I have yet to go, in terms of my health and my yoga/body/self knowledge. Also, distance reminds me of the physical distance of 3,000 miles between me and where I grew up. I miss my Mom and my brother, and it looks like I won't be able to visit this Summer like I usually do, because of my busy schedule. I will be home for Christmas, however, and I will try to wait until then.

Today I was imagining how much my understanding of my body and yoga will change in the next few years. It has changed dramatically in the past 6 months, and I realize how much more I'd like to learn. I am excited about the future, proud about my achievements, and blissed out about this present moment. Things are great for me right now and I am extremely grateful to any and all who contribute to that.

I met with my teacher for a private lesson and I explained my shoulder issues, as well as other unique aspects of my different body parts that challenge me, like my feet, knees and legs. It felt good to explain and verbalize what I have been experiencing compared to what I hear different teachers suggesting that I try to experience. My teacher told me that anything she may suggest or that another teacher suggests is only a suggestion which may or may not be right for me. I can try it out and then decide. I hurt my shoulder doing an exercise that I instinctively felt wasn't good for me. I am trying to take more responsibility for my decision to do the exercise. I now see that I could have stood breathing in Tadasana instead. It is up to me to take care.

It is amazing to me sometimes that I am consistently involved in any physical activity at all. When I say that, I mean compared to how my health has limited me in the majority of my life so far. I had severe asthma, and I couldn't play sports or run or even bike too fast. That is still true for me to some degree. But with Yoga, the pace is slow and there is so much emphasis on keeping the breath slow and even, that I am able to exercise without exciting my asthma. Yoga classes and a healthy diet help to keep my breathing easy and clear. It is a gift, and I see and feel myself changing. I've come so far and I can see so many more places ahead to go.

Restore

My left shoulder feels better, but now my right shoulder hurts! Both shoulders were weak after doing shoulder exercises in an Iyengar class a week and a half ago. As a result I decided to take it easy during yoga until it healed. However, I still have my good habit in place to do backbends at 3 pm, to revive my energy at work, and it didn't occur to me to modify my backbend practice. Alas, on Thursday or Friday, I felt weakness in my left shoulder while standing up from a back bend, so I shifted my weight to my right side, and as a result hurt my RIGHT shoulder. It felt like I pulled a small muscle in my shoulder joint. It still hurts pretty badly today. Yesterday morning at home I did a restorative practice. I plan to do more restorative poses today after work at home (instead of going to a yoga class like usual). Yesterday I reviewed my class notes to remember what we learned in our classes about restorative yoga, and I also read the chapter about restorative yoga in Cyndi Lee's book, Yoga Body, Buddha Mind. There is a restorative sequence in the book that I plan to try tonight.

Bike to Work Day

Today is Bike to Work Day. May is Bike to Work Month. See http://www.sfbike.org/ for more info about it, or for biking inspiration.

Last night I enjoyed Dina's class very much. There was someone in the class who mentioned his lower back pain. Dina seemed to think his one-sided lower back pain was his SI joint (sacro-iliac joint is where the sacrum connects to the hip bones in the middle of each side of the lower back). She focused a lot of the class on lower back pain, and showed us exercises to counter the effects of sitting at a desk all day. Early on in the class we practiced Supta Padangusthasana (Reclining Big Toe Pose), which are great hamstring stretches. This was a great stretch for me, and something I have wanted to practice more often, so it was great to have the chance to be instructed so gently and thoroughly through the different stretch positions.

Providing a service

A few weeks ago I had a private lesson with my yoga teacher. I brought a list of questions to ask her that had come up for me during the YTT, and she answered them all. One of my questions was about chanting and Kirtan. Several of the YTT teachers have been singing Kirtan to us, and I have felt resistance to it. As opposed to talking about the pros and cons of Kirtan in a yoga class, my teacher encouraged an investigation into what the root of my resistance is about. I was happy to enter into that discussion. It made perfect sense to me that my harsh opinions of a yoga teacher who sings during our savasana, could be projections of my own fears about how I sometimes think I appear when I am singing with my band on stage. Since I can change my own thoughts and actions, and not the actions of someone else, it is best for me in this case to focus on myself.

Without getting into exactly what my opinions of the Kirtan-singing-yoga-teachers were, or the psychology that we uncovered, I will share the advice my teacher gave me for my musical performances. She encouraged me to set an intention for my performance before we start our set of songs at every gig. Just like we set an intention at the beginning of a yoga class, and then remind ourselves of the intention throughout the class. She said that when I sing, I am providing a service to the audience. People come to see live music because they enjoy it, it soothes them, it heals them, or it makes them feel expressed. For anyone who is listening, I am giving them the gifts of our music. I am sharing my voice and songs.

On Friday night my band performed at The Hotel Utah bar in San Francisco. During our sound check, I talked with my bandmates about our devotion to our music and how performing is providing a service to the audience and to each other. I said we are opening up our hearts, and giving to each other and the audience from our hearts. For whoever would be listening, I would be singing to them and that is one of the greatest gifts that I have to give.

My bandmate said that he felt grounded after our talk. I felt grounded, too. I felt good, inspired, secure and optimistic. The performance went well. I was able to maintain the intention of GIVING and SERVICE. It helped a lot! I felt connected to my bandmates, to the people in the room, and I felt grateful to be there and to be a part of the expression. This is an example of how tools learned through yoga can be applied to other parts of life.

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

On Monday night I went to my first SGI Buddhism chant-meditation group. In my recent quest for chant options and meanings, I learned that the "meditation group" that my friend attends, is actually a chant group of SGI members. (SGI = Soka Gakkai International, they follow the teachings of a Japanese Buddhist monk named Nichiren, who lived in the 13th century.) What do they chant? Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. That is the same chant that Tina Turner practices, and I learned about it in March when I saw the movie about her (click here to read my Tina Turner blog post). It was an example of sychronicity that I researched SGI on my own, and then learned that my friend has been practicing with them. That coincidence encouraged me to learn more about it.

The chant group was held at the SGI Cultural Center this week, because as it turned out they were having a study group meeting with several small district groups combined into a larger group. Usually the meetings involve over an hour of chanting. However, there was only 20 minutes of chanting this week to allow for the study group lecture and discussion. This was a great introduction for me, in my opinion. I was able to learn about their beliefs and SGI's history, as well as get a taste for how they practice. The chanting was a bit overwhelming for me. They chant very quickly, and some of the chanters sounded aggressive to me. I think it would take a while for me to get used to it and find the peace there. At the very beginning of the meeting, the chanting started. They chanted "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo-Nam-myoho-renge-kyo..." repeatedly and for a while it was hard for me to understand what they were saying and when the line started or ended. They blend it together so that it is continuous, and they take a quick inhale breath when they can and then continue chanting in sync with the others. I knew the chant already, and I'd practiced it on my own a few times, but hearing it chanted so quickly and continuously sounded different and stressful to me--like a race. I was relieved when the chanting stopped and the group discussion began. There is a beginners' chant group on Thursday nights, and they chant slower there. I might go to that at some point if decide to try it again.

The Buddhist books I've read and enjoyed in the past are by Tibetan Buddhists, which are different from SGI Buddhists. I'd like to learn more about how Tibetan Buddhists practice, and how they are represented in communities (I mean where and how do they get together and meditate or do other practices together). I'm currently reading a book by Cyndi Lee about her life, experiences and teachings as a yoga teacher and Tibetan Buddhist. (The book is called Yoga Body, Buddha Mind). I also plan to talk to my yoga teacher about her experiences with Tibetan Buddhism. As far as I understand, the practice involves sitting in silent meditation, as opposed to verbally chanting, but I want to learn of any variances. I went to 2 different one-day meditation work shops a few years ago, and at one of them we sat in silence for part of the time, and also did a silent walking meditation through a field, which was nice and peaceful.

Spirulina

I've asked a few people: what is spirulina, anyway? And a lot of people don't know. Then I heard from a friend that it is a nutrient from the sea. So today I googled it and found Spirulina.com. I learned that spirulina is an algae, or an aquatic plant, with tiny green spiral coils that harvest energy from the sun. It is a blue-green algae, too. Hmm, this confused me. So wild blue-green algae is collected from lakes, and spirulina is grown in controlled water ponds on farms. Spirulina is potentially better for you because it is more pure, whereas blue-green algae might have toxins in it from the lake.

As for the benefits of Spirulina, it boosts your energy, it is absorbed by the body quickly, and it is loaded with nutrients, including protein (and all of the essential amino acids). So it is great for vegetarians. It has beta-carotene, vitamin B-12, and many other vitamins including A, C, D, E, K, B1, B2, B3 & B6. It has 16 minerals including Iron, Magnesium, and Calcium. It also has phytonutrients, which are pigments that have potent antioxidants. The odor and taste is described as mild like seaweed.

Nutrition lecture

Tonight we had a 2 hour class with Darshana Weill. I would have loved a 3 or 4 hour lecture by her, since it seems we only dipped our pinky toes into the ocean of information she has to share. There were many questions from the trainees about nutrition, diet and yogic living. She also had many great questions for us. She asked us about our cravings, our eating habits, if we eat meat or not, if we cook, and do we think about food often. The main theme as I understand it is that she encourages us to develop a relationship with our bodies in regards to cravings, and to be able to identify what is behind each craving. For example, is it a nutrient that the body wants, or are we trying to pacify an emotional discomfort? She said she wants to teach us how to stay present to what's happening in our bodies all the time.

Toward the end of the class she asked us what was standing out to us after our discussions. What stood out to me was how when someone revealed that they have sweet cravings in the afternoons, she told us that the time for sweets is between 2pm and 4pm. For me, I notice that at 3pm, I feel tired and antsy at the same time every day when I'm at my 9-to-5 job. That is the time that in the past I would make coffee, and then later in the day regret drinking it. About six months ago or so I tried to make it a regular practice to do a back bend every day at 3, which would energize me and also express pent up energy. Another option I learned tonight is to have a "super food" instead of coffee, tea or sugar. Super foods are like supplements, they are high nutrition in small quantities. For examples, Spirulina and blue green algae were mentioned. She suggested that we could add some blue green algae to water and feel energized as a result. I am not at all familiar with blue green algae, but if I go to Whole Foods or Rainbow Grocery, I'm sure I can find out about it.

I learned tonight what "whole grain" means. A grain has three parts to its physical body. The inner most layer, the center of it, is called the endosperm. Around the endosperm is the germ, and the outer most layer is the bran. Pasta is just the endosperm. The fact that they make wheat germ and bran muffins reveals that there is nutritional value in those layers. We need all 3. Couscous is just the endosperm, like pasta. Quinoa is a whole grain and also the highest protein grain. That was nice to hear because Bob and I eat a lot of quinoa.

I went to a cooking class with Darshana Weill before I started the YTT course, and it helped me a lot. It was great to meet with her again and get some more ideas about how to eat well. A lot of the students seemed to like what she had to offer us. It was a subject that everyone has something to say about. We eat every day, so let it be "a practice" like yoga and eat mindfully.

Arm balances

Today we learned arm balance poses with Stephanie Snyder. I enjoyed the class a lot. I've enjoyed all of her classes and I think she is a great teacher. I like how direct and clear she is with her instructions and opinions, also she seems to be open minded and presents different options and points of view about poses and yoga. I see myself in great contrast to her in terms of our physical strength. She has great upper body and core (abdomen) muscle strength, as well as flexibility. Going into the class today, I had very low expectations for myself in terms of what poses I would be able to do. I feel very weak in my upper body in general. I have a history of wrist, elbow and shoulder injuries or sensitivities. So I tried to do each pose, and for the most part I couldn't hold my balance very long. For example, in Bakasana (Crow Pose), I could get my feet off of the floor for 1 or 2 seconds only, and then I'd lose my balance. One time I fell forward onto my head (on the cushion of a blanket) and felt mild pain in my wrist because it bent back when I fell.

When it came time to try Eka Pada Koundinyasana, my wrist was a little sore and I said to my classmate that I was just going to watch others do that pose, and I would rest. However, my friend responded by telling me I had to try it, that there was no sitting out. Okay, so I tried it with little expectation. However, I found that pose to be a bit easier. And I got both legs off of the floor, so I was balancing my body on my upper arms, which were bent. The teacher saw me making progress and gave me some pointers to improve my pose, and I held it for several seconds (maybe 15 seconds). When I came out of the pose, some of the students applauded my efforts and I felt exhilarated and proud. It was fun. I didn't get my leg completely straight, but I did balance on my hands and that was the surprising part for me.

Tonight at home I was inspired to practice headstand and handstand. In classes I still use a wall to rest my feet against because I can't balance on my own. We practiced handstand in class today, and one student asked what does it take to do handstand in the middle of the room. The teacher suggested that one day we will just decide to do it and we will. I remember as a kid walking on my hands for brief intervals. I think if I increase my upper body strength, I'll eventually be able to do unsupported handstand. For tonight I had Bob spot me and he helped me to balance in the poses. In headstand I was able to hold it on my own for about 3 seconds. That is progress! Woo hoo.

Corpse Bride

On Saturday morning, April Fools Day, us YTT students visited a cadaver lab to learn more about anatomy. The visit was optional, and most students chose to attend. I viewed and touched (with rubber gloved hands) 4 dead, dissected bodies. It was interesting and intense.

The smell of formaldehyde reminded me of when it was my assignment in college to dissect a cat for Anatomy & Physiology class. The faces and hands and feet of the human bodies (the areas where skin was still intact) reminded me of my first job in a hospital, on a cancer unit, when I was responsible for "post-mortem care". Basically, after a patient died we needed to prepare the body for the morgue, which meant we stripped the body, took out any IVs and catheters, tied the jaw closed, tied name tags to the big toe, and wrapped it in a plastic sheet. Sometimes it was my job to do post-mortem care for a patient who had been on the unit for many months, and so I had developed a deeper relationship/friendship with them. That would be sad for me, but I put on my practical nurse's hat and got through it. Sometimes I cried a little, but it didn't get in the way of completing my work. I remember feeling privileged to be responsible for the person's care. Death is a special time, like birth is. I felt honored to witness the passing, in a similar way that I felt honored in nursing school when I observed a mother giving birth and I was the first person to dress the baby. On Saturday, I felt honored to view the insides of these bodies, and I felt grateful to the souls who lived in those bodies for sharing with us. I felt myself wearing my practical nurse's hat as I held a heart in my hands. I held a lung and I saw a brain, too. I touched leg muscles and the sciatic nerve. The experience has helped me to process all the anatomy I've been learning during the past month. I have a clearer understanding of the muscles now that I've colored them in my Anatomy Coloring Book, and then saw them in the (dead) flesh. I also have a firmer understanding of my preference for vegetarian nutrition.

When I got home on Saturday after a day of YTT, Bob surprised me with a DVD he rented from Le Video. He said he got "Corpse Bride" because I'm his bride and I'd spent the morning with corpses.

Laboratory mat

Dina's 9am class today was delightful. I worked hard and sweat a lot
but we held each pose long enough to breath in it and focus on
alignment. At one point while we were holding triangle pose, she
encouraged us to picture our mats as a laboratory. I am experimenting
with how I relate to the poses on the mat, and that gives me a clue as
to how I relate to life in my day-to-day. I thought it was a beautiful
idea when she said it, although I can't remember her exact words now.

What is Yin Yoga?

My favorite Yin pose currently is the Yin variation of butterfly pose (baddha konasana). Here's a picture of me in the pose this morning (photo by Bob).


Last week someone emailed me asking what is Yin Yoga. Yin poses are passive yoga poses. They are like sitting in a stretched position for 5 or more minutes, without trying to do anything but relax in the pose and breathe. Gravity does the work of stretching the muscles and connective tissue. If you classify yoga poses as Yin or Yang, Yin are passive poses and Yang are active poses. Paul Grilley writes "Most forms of Yoga practiced today are Yang, they emphasize muscular movement and contraction. By contrast Yin Yoga targets the connective tissue of the hips, pelvis and lower spine. Yin postures are held three to five to ten minutes at a time. This type of practice complements the more muscular styles of Yoga and is a great aid for learning to sit in meditation." ~Paul Grilley, from his website www.PaulGrilley.com

I first learned about Yin Yoga through classes with Dina Amsterdam. Dina usually starts her yoga classes with Yin poses. She also teaches a "Yin Yang Transformation" workshop once a month at Yoga Tree SF Yoga Studio, and I enjoyed one of those a couple years ago. She studies with Sarah Powers, and I went to an afternoon Yin Yoga workshop with Sarah Powers about a year and a half ago. I first learned about Paul Grilley through his "Anatomy of Yoga" DVD that I found and purchased through an internet search. After enjoying the DVD, I went to his website and learned there that he also teaches Yin Yoga. And I recently learned from Sarah Powers' website, that she first learned Yin Yoga from Paul Grilley in the 1980's when they both taught at a yoga studio in Santa Monica, CA. It was interesting to read the history of how these teachers started incorporating Yin Yoga into their practice and classes. I just know that I like being in the Yin Poses, I like how it relaxes me and teaches me to be still, and I like how my mind and body feel afterwards.

Anusara class

This morning I went to an Anusara class and I liked it very much. I made my intention "open mindedness and innocence" so that I could most fully experience my first ever Anusara class. When we did triangle pose, it was different for me to start triangle pose with pelvis to the floor in order to touch the floor as opposed to keeping pelvis toward the wall even if my hand doesn't touch the floor. It stretched my brain to try it that way, and I resisted it on the first side and didn't do it the way she instructed until she stressed it again before we moved into the second side. It was an all levels class, but I felt challenged just enough and well stretched. The pace was super slow, similar to an Iyengar class with spending more time in each pose. I enjoyed the steady slow pace, and there was never a moment during the class in which I wondered what time it was or how much longer the class would last. Also, I didn't break out in a sweat although there was a part that I felt heated. I liked the mention of the heart, and the focus of keeping shoulders back and chest forward. That has been something I've been working on a lot since last fall, so it was good for me to practice it more fully in every pose. In uttanasana, it was stressed for us to keep our knees bent in order to have thighs touching the chest, and then to lift the sitting bones to straighten the legs. That teaching counters what I was taught just yesterday, so I felt a bit conflicted about how to do uttanasana in the class. At first I kept my legs straight, but as she continued to instruct us to bend our knees, I bent them.

I feel nurtured after that class. I liked the teacher a lot. Her name is KK Ledford. She has a grounded and gentle presence. I liked how several times in the class she asked if anyone had any questions, and there would be a question and answer with demonstration. This didn't feel disruptive to the class, either, she was able to talk and demonstrate so that everyone could see her without moving off our mats.

Tina Turner

I watched the movie "What's love got to do with it?" Tuesday night. It was recommended by our teacher training teacher, Darren Main. It is based on an autobiography book written by Tina Turner, who was married to Ike Turner, her manager and musical partner. He was physically abusive and sometimes mean, but she stayed with him for a very long time. Towards the end of the movie Tina's friend introduces her to Buddhism, and teaches her to chant. In the movie they show Tina chanting one line over and over on many occasions. The movie shows a clip of an interview in which Tina talks about Buddhism and the meaning of the chant. Tina's character says "In Buddhism we do a chant called 'Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo' and what that signifies is that everything in our life is cause and effect. If there's anything within you that needs to be changed, you do it, you change it."

I researched other translations of the chant, and what I found was that it means to devote oneself to the mystic law of the lotus flower as taught by the teachings of a Buddha or the Sutras. That is my summation of what I learned about the chant on the SGI Buddhism website (http://www.sgi.org/english/Buddhism/nmrk.htm). I also learned there that the lotus flower represents cause and effect because the lotus blooms and produces seeds at the same time, and that demonstrates the simultaneity of cause and effect. Recognizing the law of cause and effect can help us to acknowledge our power and to take responsibility for our thoughts, actions and the results they create in our lives.

I see how chanting is one path to peace. I'm feeling a little more open to try more chanting. I'm curious about it. I've enjoyed the Buddhist books I've read (by Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh), and I'm learning that chanting is part of Buddhism. I'd like to know the meaning of a line before I chant it, and I suspect that some of the chants won't be aligned with my beliefs, and some of them will.

Slow flow

At a class last week, a new student asked my teacher, Dina, what one of her rigorous classes is like. Dina explained that her classes don't move quickly from one pose to another, that she spends enough time in each pose to attain and maintain alignment, but that you can work hard and sweat in a class without moving quickly. She said she believes in practicing at this slower pace, and I felt extreme agreement and gratitude for being in her class. Her pace is perfect for me, and that is the first thing I noticed about her classes. She is so good at instructing the class to inhale and exhale at a comfortable pace. I have been in several Vinyasa or Hatha Flow classes that move too quickly. 3 years ago in one of those quick paced classes, I injured my elbow while lowering in chataranga (which is like a push up). I was moving too quickly, trying to keep up with the teacher's pace, and I was not holding proper alignment in my upper body. Something popped in my right elbow, and it is still a sore spot and a challenge for me in some yoga poses.

Last night I enjoyed a class taught by Dina. I was able to focus on her voice, and allow it to sooth and guide my mind and body. Sometimes my concentration is better than other times, and last night I was grateful to have the sensation of surrender and devotion. She invited us to set an intention for ourselves at the beginning of class, and she reminded us to think of our intention later in the class. I picked "patience" last night, because lately I've been frustrated by my limited upper body strength. I find a lot of value in setting an intention. It helped me last night, and I had a great experience with little or no self criticism.

Teaching

Today at yoga teacher training, we taught each other poses and adjusted each other for the first time. We led each other through vinyasa flows. We broke up into groups of 3. I was half surprised that some of the words came to me as easily as they did, and half surprised at how difficult it was to imagine what pose came next in the vinyasa sequence. It was a mix of seeing how much I have to learn, and understanding that I already have many tools and talents. And again, I talked with more people, fellow students, and it is great to feel the support of their presence in the class, as we all begin to learn as much as we can about Yoga asanas and teaching.

First day of class

It went well, I enjoyed it and I'm excited. The questions I'd had about
the course were all answered. I found out that I'll need 6 hours of
yoga classes each week, as opposed to 6 classes. So 6 hours could mean
4 classes if they are 90 minute classes, which is what I usually take.
This seems more manageable. Also, and this was surprising to me, some
of those hours may be done at home on my own. And they ENCOURAGE us to do atleast 1.5 to 3 hours of the 6 hours per week at home. They want to stress the importance of having a home practice. Doing Yoga on your
own, regularly at home. And meditation counts as well. This is all
good news. The teacher training courses are 3 days a week, Fri - Sun,
for 3 weekends each month for 5 months. We have August off, and then a
final exam on the second weekend of September.

So it seemed like a big bunch of people there last night. They said they were already full and then had several more people register late,
so they were trying to work it out. Everyone was nice, friendly, warm & beautiful. This journey is a good one. I felt so happy to be there. So clear that it is for me now.

Nutrition

Yesterday I met with my friend Susie for a Nutrition Consultation. We talked about my diet, my cravings for sweets and caffeine, and ways to make sure that I get the nutrients that I need. After I explained my cravings, she said she thinks that my body is asking for Calcium when I want sweets. She suggested that I eat more greens and sesame seeds or tahini. She taught me how to make sesame seed milk, and also gave me recipes for smoothies. The smoothie recipes involve mixing greens with fruits and water or juice in a blender. I often have a smoothie for breakfast, and thismorning I added spinach to it, which didn't alter the taste much for me, but made me feel more balanced. Less of a sugar high. Putting spinach in my smoothies is a good tip for me.

Everything happens for a reason, or not?

Several times in the last week or two, I've said "Everything happens for a reason" and he says in response "or not, maybe things happen for no reason at all".

I am perplexed by this response from him. I think we are on the same page in terms of trusting the universe. And he said he is challenging my belief to keep me open to other possibilities. I'm trying to understand that.

What do you think?