Practice teach class, 8/21/06

On Monday August 21st I completed the requirement of teaching a class that is observed by a seasoned yoga teacher. I taught friends and Dina observed. I was very nervous! I felt the heat of a spotlight, and my own inner-self-critic was a bit more active than usual. However, I got through it, and overall it went well. Dina and my friends gave me great feedback, a lot of encouraging praise and many tips for how to improve my teaching and also tips for how to improve my own experience while teaching. One tip that stands out is to follow my own instructions when I lead a seated grounding meditation at the beginning of the class. To close my eyes and concentrate on my own breathing and my own intention while leading the meditation. She said I could even sit in silence at first to ground myself if that is what I need. Like the way you should fasten your own seat belt before helping someone else fasten theirs, I need to address my own active mind or nervous feelings before helping the class with theirs. And I did think to myself at the beginning while I was teaching "I am nervous, make space for the nervousness, let go of desire for things to be different than what they are..." but I could have taken more time to do that. Also, there was no way around being nervous, and it will become easier the more and more I teach. Dina was taking notes throughout the class, I felt as though I was being critiqued by the person in yoga who's opinion means the most to me. Little did I know until afterwards that many of her notes were positive praise. Things like, you did that well, that is a good thing to say or do. She said that although she knew I was nervous, my voice was steady and calm. I don't think that I have to be a great teacher by graduation, because I know that I plan to study closely with Dina for 6 months, and that I have plenty of time to learn everything I want to learn before I start teaching public classes. For now I'd like to continue teaching to groups of friends. I've had 2 offers in the past week from friends who would like to host a yoga class at their house for me to teach. They are encouraging me, and they know that the more I practice, the better I'll become. And they will appreciate the free yoga instruction.

I am so relieved that the "practice class" is over. I was so nervous about it, and I'd been preparing for so long, and yet I felt like I didn't have enough tools to prepare for it. So I had to just do it, and then I was given tools for how to prepare for my next class. Dina gave me a lot of tips for sequencing, and I'm not sure I retained all that she told me, but I will be able to pay better attention to her sequencing in the future as I continue to attend her public classes. Now that this requirement is complete, I will focus on studying for the written final.

Observe-a-class #3

I haven't written lately because I was sick for 2 weeks. I had a cold which lingered and then I had pink eye. Not fun, but I'm feeling better now and I'll catch you up on what's been happening. Sorry to keep you in suspense!

The day before I got sick I observed another yoga class, which was the third and final required class observation for this YTT course. It had been almost 3 months since the last time I observed a class, and there was a big difference in how I felt this time, and in what I was able to notice. Since I've been practicing teaching yoga, I've learned through experience how to observe the students for their understanding of the poses. When the teacher gave a new instruction, I looked around the room to see which students understood and who could use another prompt to get them in the correct alignment. I walked through the class, and followed the teacher as she walked through, and watched the adjustments she made for some students. I kept my mind focused on the teacher's instructions, and on my own intention, which was "love" and "courage". Previously when I observed, I mostly stayed seated at the front of the room. This time I gathered up my courage to be more involved, and although I only gave one "assist", my presence was supportive to the students' experiences. After the class, several people thanked me for assisting, and commented on what a great class it was. I said "you're welcome" and agreed that Dina is a wonderful teacher. And I thought to myself that it was nice of these people to acknowledge me. I was surprised because I didn't feel like I had done anything, I was just observing. But after being acknowledged by the students, I realized that my presence was felt and appreciated. I thought about how my own yoga practice might be more focused if I knew there was an assistant standing near and watching me. I assisted without words or touch. And meanwhile, I was making notes to myself about ways I might assist with words/touch in the future. (I'm planning to assist Dina's classes regularly after this course.)

Earthquake

Last night I was meditating in a yoga class during the earthquake. The epicenter was about 45 miles North of where I was. I learned today that it was close to Santa Rosa, CA and had an estimated magnitude of 4.4 at 8:08 pm, and was followed by a 1.2 aftershock 25 minutes later (but I didn't feel that).

My friend Kristin went to the class with me. Dina was teaching and her assistant Amy was there. My friend Jim, who I hadn't seen in a long while, was in the class, too, and so was Martin, an acquaintance from the indie rock as well as the Dina-yoga scenes. I thought of these people when the room started moving. I really had fears of disaster, as if the shaking was going to get worse and we would all be dealing with a crisis situation.

Part of the reason why the earthquake was so intense for me, is that we were all sitting on the floor, concentrating on our breathing, and noticing the state of our bodies and minds. We were quiet, present and noticing. All of our attention was on noticing whatever was there. The teacher advised us to notice our moods, how we felt, and what we were thinking about. I had noted to myself that my mind was chaotic. I'd had a delayed and busy commute that evening from work to home to Kristin's to yoga. There was some confusion between me and Bob about who was using the car, and I wasn't sure until the minute I left the house if I would be able to go to class or not. Once there, I felt relieved to be there and I was looking forward to being still for a couple hours. But I still felt rushed and chaotic. I don't often feel that way at the beginning of a yoga class. Sometimes my mind is busy, but the feeling of "chaos" was big and new. It made me think that I was picking up on a natural disaster waiting to happen, and I had a passing thought that there might be an earthquake. And then there was!

The floor, the room shook my body forward and back and forward and back. I opened my eyes and listened to a creaking sound in the walls or ceiling. The teacher commented on the earthquake, and then told us to close our eyes and focus on our breathing. She talked about letting go of any desire to control events, and she mentioned anxiety that might have arisen in us and gave us tools to be present with it. She encouraged us to be present throughout the class. I had picked my intention to be "calm; patience". That was before the earthquake when I was feeling chaotic, I wanted to feel calm instead. The earthquake was like a manifestation of my feelings, but it didn't help me with my intention to be calm. I was worried for about 30 minutes after the earthquake. It took a while for me to let it go, but I eventually did for the remainder of the class. And then after the class I thought about it again. It was exciting.

Teaching makes me a better student

On Saturday morning I taught a class of four friends. There were mixed level students in the class and it was challenging to keep up with everyone's progress. There were some corrections I saw that I could have made but I had to let some of them go. I remember how in the beginning it is hard enough as a student to just concentrate on the teacher's directions and stay with the class. I ended up teaching fewer poses than I'd planned, because I spent more time on each pose, teaching alignment. I learned that I would prefer to teach fewer poses in order to have better alignment and the students' better understanding of the shape and benefit of the poses.

Teaching was great. I wasn't as scared as I've been previously. It wasn't as painful. Previously I felt like giving up while teaching. I would have thoughts like "the students don't really feel like working in these poses and I don't really feel like trying to encourage them to do it". When I noticed their physical struggle, my own energy would drop and I would be discouraged which I feared might in turn discourage them. I thought about it a lot, and I realized that it is my job to be the encourager, the cheerleader (almost), the one who supports throughout their discomfort. Their discomfort isn't the result of what I am doing to them, but how they feel in their bodies and so it isn't something for me to take personally.

Everytime I teach, it gives me more things to think about and observe when I am the student in a yoga class. After teaching Saturday morning, I went to YTT class with some fresh understanding and a few questions. Again at Sunday's lectures I was able to pay attention to what was taught with a clearer idea of, for example, the importance of knowing how to modify Uttanasana for those with tight hamstrings. I could see more directly how I may apply that knowledge in the near future.

Karl Erb has encouraged us all along to study closely with one teacher for a long time. That has always made sense to me. He's also said something about how when a student is ready to learn, the teacher will find her/him. On Monday night I went to a class taught by Dina, and as soon as she saw me she asked me when this YTT course is over and if I'd like to begin my intense study with her in October. I am so engulfed in studying for the final and preparing for my Practice Teaching class (which will be observed and evaluated by Dina), that it was hard for me to think about what I will want or be ready for in October. My initial thought was like "I'm not ready yet! Do I want another intense time & money commitment after this one?". But after visualizing graduation from this course, and my goals for the next two years, it fits in perfectly to start working with Dina this Fall. I am grateful for the opportunity. I've been taking her classes since 2003 and now or soon is a fine time to go deeper.